Disney logo loads but stutters and buffers, eventually it loads but the jingle freezes.

Michael McIntyre: (Screams loudly) Yeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaahhhh!

On Mount Olympus, the gods are celebrating the birth of baby Hercules

Zeus: I want to thank all of you for these wonderful gifts! Jazz music plays

Zeus: (While creating Pegasus) Dead! Dead! Dead! Pegasus! Dead! Pegasus!

Zeus then holds and admires his newborn son Hercules Zeus: My boy... Mah Boi (King Harkinian)

Hades: (everyone suddenly notices him arrive) how touching... I haven't been so choked up since I got a hotdog caught in my throat. Ah ha? Waits for laughter but the gods just stare blankly

Hades but voiced by William Defoe: (Shouting) Do you know how much I've sacrificed?!

Zeus: Any way how's things in the underworld? Continues saying underworld while roughly slamming Hades' shoulder in a playful manner.

Hades: It's dark and gloomy and hey, full of dark people! But what are you gonna do about it? Hohohoho!

Zeus: (Concerned) You ought to slow down! You'll work yourself to death! Ha! Work yourself to death! Zeus and the others start laughing at his pun work yourself to death! Work yourself to death! This continues as Hades leaves in a bad mood.


In the underworld Hades, Pain and Panic are being ferried across the river Styx by Charon.

Hades: (singing) He ran the ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!

Charon accidentally sends Panic flying, his ears pierce Pain's backside

Pain: Screams extremely loudly

Hades checks the total number of dead souls in the underworld. It gets stuck between 5 million and 5 million and one. The counter makes a jingle while stuttering.

Hades (frustrated): For the love of me you're dead you idiot! The soul eventually goes into the underworld. In a hospital, a patient flatlines

Doctor: I'm sorry, he's gone... Family mourns

Having just finished saying somethingHades speaks with the Fates. He is reading a map and moving figures across it

Hades: Ah huh, yeah... Now here we...

Fates: We know everything... They are fighting over the eye and tooth while Hades discusses his latest plan

Hades: (In mid discussion) that's good... Hey you, get off of my cloud! Now here we...

Fates: We know!

Hades: Absolutely furious I KNOW! Calms down I know, you know...

Fates: We know!

Hades: Furious again I KNOW!

Hades, Pain and Panic get in the elevator and go upstairs to his throne room. The elevator doors keep opening and shutting.

Hades: Pain... Panic... Stop playing with the elevator.


The muses sing

"Who puts the Glad in Gladiator?"

Chandler Bing: Bigger Gorilla?

"Whose daring deeds are great theatre?"

Chandler Bing: Bigger Gorilla?

"Is he bold?"

Hotel Mario: No.

"Is he sweet?"

Very loud NO!


Meanwhile Hercules is fighting Nessus, the centaur at a watering hole. He is punched very hard and goes flying. The scene is rewinded and played back again a few times.

Nessus: Laughs in a high pitched voice

An animation cycle of Nessus grabbing Megara is repeated and mirrored while circus-like music plays

Phil makes pig noises while raising his hand repeatedly

Megara: Thanks for the save... Uh I didn't quite catch your name.

Hercules: Chandler Bing: Bigger Gorilla?

Megara: Thanks Slice, its been a real Herc!


Hades is talking to his double agent Megara

Hades: I thought you were gonna get rid of him and get Nessus to join my team? Now I'm sort of... river guardianless.

Fates: We know!

Hades Furious again: I KNOW!!


On a street in The Big Olive, traffic is going past. The Traffic urn goes to stop. The chariots stop. The Traffic urn goes back to go. Everything moves again. Then it stops. Then it goes again. Then everything goes nuts stopping and starting rapidly.

Phil and Herc step out into the road and nearly get run over

A driver: Shouting something intelligible

Phil yells: Heyyyyyyaaaaa! Pee pee pepepepppppppp pee pee!


Hades sitting on his throne

Hades: Let's get ready to ruuuuuuumble!

Space Jam music plays

Hercules is fighting the hydra

Phil: Watch the teeth!

More fighting

Phil: Dodge! Give im one of these!

Hercules is eaten by the hydra. He cuts his way out of its throat, the scene rewinds and replays itself several times.

Hades tears himself out of the dead hydra

Hades in Freddy Kreuger's voice: Welcome to prime time, bitch!


Hades is speaking with Megara again

Hades: Dededededede I OWN YOU!! Erupts into green flames

Megara: Hercules will save- Hades farts loudly while smirking evilly

Brian Blessed appears!


Hades speaks with the Titans

Hades: Who put you down there?

There's an awkward pause while zoomed in on the Titans

Hades: Who put you down there?

Titans: Zeeeeeeuuuuusss!

Hades burns them with his flamethrower attack


Zeus to Hermes: Go go!

Hermes: Go?

Zeus: Go go!

Hermes: Go?

Zeus: Go go!


Zeus is stuck in the molten ground and being engulfed

Hades: Zeeeeeeus! I'm hooooome! Canned laughter


Frodo and Sam are on Mount Doom

Frodo: Sam, I love you.

They walk off into the sunset as the screen fades to black. The end.

Hades furious: I OWN YOU!